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Spending Time Together - Sexual “Chemistry” Explained

During our childhood years our - unconscious mind records the personal traits we see in our primary caregivers  usually our parents. For most of us, these - personality traits are usually those - of our opposite sex parent. For most men it’s their mother’s traits that seem most - influential. For most women it’s their father’s.

You should be aware that they can also come from other - sources such as grandparents or even other - individuals outside their immediate family. I call this - accumulated set of traits a “Love Template”.

When you meet a lady who possesses several of the traits in your love - template, your heart leaps and you - quickly find yourself drawn to her. It’s a match - made in heaven (or to be more accurate – it’s a match made in your subconscious mind).

And all this will happen without - you knowing why. Men stumble badly when they try to describe precisely why they found - a particular woman so terribly attractive. Words fail them and for good reason. The whole process is subconscious and entirely automatic.

In reality who we fall in love with is largely - determined by deep-seated unconscious forces that are beyond our control or even our awareness. That’s why we - so often fall in love so unexpectedly. Indeed the symbol of love is cupid who shoots arrows of love which - strike their targets like a bolt out of the blue.

One prominent theory holds that our subconscious is on a quest to find someone who will recreate the healing and nurturing - experiences of our very early childhood. When we meet someone new our subconscious carefully monitors events as it searches for those all-important matches.

Haven’t you ever wondered why you feel so overwhelming attracted to certain women while other women (who may be much more physically attractive to you) leave - you ice cold? Many men will attempt to explain this effect away. They will say that a woman they find unappealing “isn’t my type” when what they really mean is that that particular woman was a poor match - with their love template.


     “The type of - person we prefer
     reveals the contours of our heart.”

-           Ortega Gasset

Perhaps you like women with large busts or - shapely legs, but then one day you fall madly in love with a woman with a small chest and spindly legs. Consciously you know that this lady doesn’t have the - physical characteristics you usually like, but who cares when you are in love - and find her company positively enchanting? It doesn’t matter what she looks like – you can’t take your eyes off her!

If you stop and think about it (few men do) the woman who really lights your fire probably strongly resembles your mother in several key ways. Perhaps her tone of voice is similar to your mother’s. Her facial expressions may be a very close match. Or she may say supporting things just like your mother used to. For obvious - reasons men feel uncomfortable making such comparisons but if you closely - examine your lovers, you’ll usually find that this effect is usually a major factor.

Try a little experiment. Take a blank piece of paper and make several columns (one for each serious - relationship/marriage you’ve had plus two additional columns). In the first column list the most obvious traits of your first love, then put the traits of your second love in the second column etc…

Then add a column ‘Mom” and another “Dad” and list their personality traits. Then compare all the columns to your parent’s traits and look for significant - similarities and differences. This can be a very - enlightening exercise if done carefully and honestly.

While you can do nothing to change a - particular woman’s own template, you should be aware that when you meet a - woman who’s father you resemble, she will fall in love with you almost automatically.

All you have to do is avoid making any mistakes and her subconscious will take it from there. Everything you say she will find absolutely fascinating. Any gift - you give she will treasure. In short, you can do no wrong. Just knowing that these women are out there should do your sense of - confidence a world of good!

Strangely, sometimes this process - becomes inverted. Some people seek out mates that manifest traits that are opposite from their parents. A man raised by a nagging and controlling mother may seek out a warm and supporting wife. A woman raised by a loud and boastful father may seek out a quiet mousy man who wouldn’t kill a fly. Professional matchmakers are extremely familiar with these principles.

An Example: Susan was a lovely young women raised in a small town in Mississippi. Her parents had high hopes of - raising her as a proper upper class southern - belle. Unfortunately she rebelled from an - early age and eventually quit high school and left home at the tender age of 17.

Her father was a terrible racist who would regularly remind his daughter that in his view black people were no - better than wild animals. And further any white woman who even considered having sex with a black man should not be considered fit for marriage by any self-respecting white man.

As an act of defiance Susan started having sex with black men. Young white men, even the most attractive and eligible ones, were always turned away.

Susan was subconsciously rebelling against her parent’s racism. Her subconscious mind felt that each sexual encounter with a black man would somehow wound her - parents. She continued this behavior for several decades after she left home and had no further contact with her parents. Even after both her parents - were dead she continued to pursue black men. (The subconscious mind is oblivious of time)

This is an extreme example of how a subconscious bias can affect mate selection. Each of us carries with us - some emotional and sexual programming that can affect our mate selection in ways that others - might find unreasonable or even bizarre.

Why does the mind work in this way? Perhaps it all follows a central purpose. Everything about mating should be viewed from the viewpoint of evolution and the - perpetuation of the species. Romantic love is one of the most powerful emotions we have. When you fall in love you lose all perspective. You can think of little - else other than your new love. When you are with her you are filled with a - profound joy that poets have struggled to describe through the ages.

And it’s so overwhelming powerful for a reason. The species won’t survive unless men and women get together and nature is taking no chances here. From an evolutionary point of view those humans who didn’t feel that overpowering romantic attraction to each other didn’t mate, didn’t have children and vanished from the family tree. Simply stated, people fall in love irrationally because it ensures our - survival as a species.
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